I feel the need to write on here more often.
But if I were to do so, I think it would be of things a little challenging or too honest to post to my loved ones and Christians in my online vicinity. That’s the thing about calling yourself a something in a certain community, naturally then there’s so much fear of what they will think of your words and actions published. Because I’m human. And I don’t think all my blog posts or any other kind of writings will always be Christ like or “perfect”.
Especially as a 23 year old young adult, who has no idea of where God is taking me, or why certain events seem to happen to me way beyond my control. I’m learning.
I think I would like this blog to involve more honesty on my flaws as well as my achievements posted. I want to work on having a more open conversation on here that actually projects a version of myself as authentic as I can possibly make it.
This is because I am constantly questioning and curious of the state of my own existence. Nothing is really stays concrete or the same in terms of my state of mind, for the rest of the recurring events of my life. Naturally my mind like a stream, is constantly moving and my thoughts (along with my feelings) are constantly adjusting themselves as I keep learning new things about myself and the world around me. I wonder if it’s possible to ever reach a immovable state of certainty in the mind, while the world outside is constantly shifting and changing it’s values to suit it’s current climate. Which makes me want to ask and delve deeper into questions such as: do we strive to change or improve values as a global society just to people please, or actually for the purpose of progressing the state of humanity?
I get nervous at the thought of posting an honest thought vomit blog post, because I really have no idea of what the response will be like. And usually the people I’m weary of responding don’t even read it half the time. So as per usual, maybe I am over thinking it. I worry about those who think my faith in God and Jesus Christ is stupid. And I worry about my Christian community reading my constantly questioning way of thinking that I tend to have, especially when it may be on aspects of my faith. I worry that people will think I’m whiney, that I’m not sucking it up and getting the job done. That this Australian way of approaching life in that you’ll be fine, you’ll get over it mentality will directly impact my inboxes or comment section. Or even worse, people will say nothing to me and instead gradually distance themselves from me, the more honestly I write.
But maybe I need that challenge. Not to see how many people I can push away as fast as I can from my life at all. Instead it could be exciting to see how much discussion my posts could ignite, and help me develop more confidence in myself as an adult. For those who have known me for most of my life, will know that I have always been awkward, shy and cautious (definitely not a thrill seeker, haha), about most things in life. So maybe this is a fun resolution to make for this year. To speak more honestly and openly in the way I would actually like to write.
I could be completely wrong about my opinions. They might not be as scary to put up on this blog, as I’m making them out to be. Because there will definitely still be lighthearted, humorous posts on fun things I do in the years to come, now along with some more honest discussion based topics.
I could be overreacting and overanalysing this (no doubt about it). I mean, I haven’t even posted them yet. And to be honest I don’t even know what half of them will be!