I want to try something new and begin to open myself up to others! I have been quite reserved all my life. In the past I have tended to stop myself from putting my poetry and songs out there because I am way too critical of myself.
Before anything is even shared with others, my mind has usually already scared me and shot down any possible ideas that could have been OK to put out there. So the challenge I have made myself is to share my poetry, songs, and other passages of thought through the use of this blog.
I have no real plan or goal for this project…..*do i need one? :\* but I hope…*idk like* something good happens from it.
Something good in terms that I could become more confident in my work and more positive about my own abilities as a writer *coughs* and as a person. It is a selfabsorbed kind of ‘good’, although I don’t mean it to be! And I don’t think that I would be able to achieve this ‘good’ by only receiving the lifegiving and succulent praise of my peers *initiates royal wave*.
It’s more of that I am proving to myself that “yeah!” I can write something and be cool with people *people i know* responding to it in ways I can’t control. And being OK with whatever outcome.
As I have learnt from a good friend, we can only choose to make good decisions and actions to give ourselves the best chance for a positive future, but we actually have no control of the outcome. Starting this blog is a lesson for me in being OK with people openly picking and pulling apart my thoughts.
No, wait. I need to put this more clearly. This is a lesson for me in being OK with people I KNOW THAT I COULD SEE DURING THE WEEK FACE TO FACE, KNOWING THAT THEY KIND OF HAVE AN IDEA OF HOW MY THOUGHT PROCESSES CAN FUNCTION IN A WAY THAT I WOULD RATHER HIDE FROM ALL HUMANITY, THAN EVER ALLOW TO SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY.
*but i digress*
I’m hoping through this blog I can learn to be more open with who I am as a person. So I could start enjoying writing again and set less restrictions on myself in terms of my skewed expectations of perfection. I think if I continue hiding everything from everyone I might never get to experience the fulfilling feeling of being happy and free to be who I am. As self-help bookish as it sounds!
Now, the next step in progressing as a human being is being confident in my own self to produce OK pieces of work that people might enjoy reading or relate to. *that’s a big ask*
I even saw my cat cringe as I typed that sentence. But just like I scream at my cat every day: “I wish you were a dog!”, I can only be who I was made to be. I have to start realising that who I was made to be isn’t such an inadequate person.
So if you are someone who is interested in reading my poetry and following this blog, you are very welcome to! And if you are not interested in following this blog, I am not offended. But if you are ever wondering what lil’ ole Hayley will be up to in the future, come to this site and have a look. It might be easier than orchestrating a phone call, a text message or a Facebook message. I’m basically saying it could really fulfil your online stalking needs.
Stay tuned for future posts!
Side Note: Looking back over this post, it seems like this blog could easily be filled with posts about my cat…but if you love cats you have really hit the jackpot, haven’t you? Wow what a day, you should go take a nap.